


My Sanctuary

by AikoIsari



Series: In Prayer [1]
Category: Digimon - All Media Types, Digimon Adventure, Digimon Adventure Zero Two | Digimon Adventure 02
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Semi-Canon Compliant, digimon - Freeform, references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-02
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-22 06:05:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AikoIsari/pseuds/AikoIsari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On August Third, we remember that sacrifice. Post 02, semi-epilogue compliant. Hikari waits, and ages. She grows up, and she lives. She knows they will return to her... her precious friends. Happy Anniversary. (Now split for easier reading)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This, along with Memorial Day, is my tribute to the Digimon Anniversary. It's the fourteenth year since 1999. Let's make it count everybody. Present tense, implicit homosexuality, alcohol reference, possible alternate character interpretation, and hints of a crossover. Also, I know it is August 2nd, but I will probably not have the chance to post it ... yeah.
> 
> This has no connection to Dreamlike or any of my other fics, advance notice. Officially, this fic starts post the "Summer 2003" and "The Door to Summer" CD dramas, all of which, including Hurricane Touchdown, I take as canon. It goes all the way to the epilogue, which, for the sake of this, is canon. I hear the screaming now and I am really sorry.
> 
> EDIT 09-27-13: Minor edits, story split into parts. Please enjoy.
> 
> Extra notes at the end, optional as always.
> 
> -On August Third, we remember that sacrifice. Post 02, epilogue compliant. Hikari waits, and ages. She grows up, and she lives. She knows they will return to her... her precious friends. Happy Anniversary.

_I._

"Hikari, I'm... I'm going to go."

"Mm. Take care."

She can send her friend off with a smile, but what she really wants is to go with her. What she really wants is to cry and run after her like a lost child, begging to see the wonders of the world one more time. However, wanting that, and fulfilling that desire... are two very different things now. She is growing up and Tailmon will never be a real child. So instead, she does the painful thing and smiles. It makes Tailmon hesitate, and mentally, Hikari sighs. She is not so helpless anymore, honestly. She does not always need her brother's hand to help her up. She is better with herself now. Journeying without Taichi has seen to that.

"Will you be all right without me?" Tailmon asks this, knowing how Hikari will answer anyway, knowing all of these things because they are partners and sisters and family. Maybe she thinks Hikari will change her mind for her. Maybe she should scold her, for running off on what could be considered on a wild goose chase.

Hikari shakes her head. "I probably won't be, but that doesn't matter. Go, Tailmon. You have to, for both of us." She can't do that, because she wants to believe, almost as much as Tailmon does, that this is the right thing to do, the right thing to believe in.

She gives her the affirmation, because the curiosity will never leave them if one doesn't find the answer.

"Go find him, Tailmon. Bring him home."

She will, and Hikari will wait for them. Both of her silly, ageless friends. it will simply be an time around the block or two, and an endurable state at that. Slowly, the cat turns and leaves and Hikari is torn between letting tears fall or throwing her Digivice away in a fit of childish anger.

In the end, she does neither, and walks back to the Digital Gate with a peaceful smile on her face.

She is used to wearing that expression.

* * *

The first few weeks are simply too quiet.

Normally, she would be bent over her homework with Tailmon on her shoulders, inquiring patiently why  _pi_  is a number and a food or what the purpose of a ruler with tape served in old time education. The queries were silly, but she appreciated them.

Now, with Tailmon gone, Hikari feels that she took those moments for granted.

She turns up her radio now, even with the others, keeping a headphone in as if it will remove the buzz that is ( _Tailmon's_ ) empty space about her shoulders or in her arms, listening to teacher lectures and music speaking of despair and love in the same sentence. Those songs were how she had felt in those days, loving her brother and miserable for the state of the world he had left behind.

Loving having her partner, and hating what had been lost to have her.

She doesn't feel that way now. Nothing is so black and white and easy to slice evenly. It is gray, conflicting, confusing. Nothing is the way we think it is.

She finds herself okay with that, these days.

These days without Tailmon are quiet and painful but they are also her days and she has to spend them well. The clock will keep ticking.

The others keep staring at her when she declines to go to the Digital World with them, holding up a textbook as a reason  _(excuse)_ , as if she should believe otherwise, that she should wait like a statue for everything to go back to the way it was.

Hikari only laughs then, and bends over her latest essay on the importance of discipline in regards to Digimon-human relationships, as per request by Jyou and Koushiro for very different reasons. It is condescending, she knows that, but she knows they don't understand. Nothing gold can stay **(1)**.

Nothing is always white.

* * *

Sometimes she still visits the Dark Ocean in her dreams. It never hurts her anymore and she sits there and watches the waves and wonders what she has to fear from it, or if she had to fear anything at all. Even its master is quiet.

Once in a while, they do speak, and Hikari finds him an interesting Digimon. He seems very lonely.

Perhaps that is why they have a truce, because they are both lonely.

One time, he tells her of the day he was born and rose up here, and of the rebellion his servants tried to make her help them perform **(2)**. In return, she tells him of the boy who would be king and his failures in darkness. It seems to amuse him, somewhat.

Demon never sees her there and Hikari never sees fit to look for him. Alone, or even with Tailmon, she wouldn't dare.

He has his own games to play, and Hikari doesn't want to play them.

Being different has its limits and eventually Hikari hopes she will have reached those limits.

* * *

With little to do outside of schoolwork, she throws herself into understanding people. To be specific, understanding people with Digimon.

People are appearing more and more with Digimon as the months pass. Frequently, they have no clue what to do with them, other than feed them and let them run around the backyards or the parks so they don't break all of the furniture. However, the relationship is more than that, and she wishes for people to recognize that. They are alive, they think, and they love. Even the scared bite back eventually, as she remembers.

( _The pain of loneliness always burns at the thought and sometimes makes it hard to breathe.)_

The children are too young to understand and the adults are too old, but Hikari tries anyway, even when she is brushed off. At least the smaller ones listen when the adults pretend not to.

"You are their sanctuary," she tells them over and over again. "They protect you, but you are their home, the one that will always love them. They need you. Not your food, but you."

Sometimes people nod, others, they simply frown and shake their heads. Hikari was discouraged in the beginning, but then she smiles at them over their disdain, and continues teaching anyway.

She loves it, she realizes one night on the train, hurrying to finish a mock test before she gets home for Taichi to look it over. She loves the way their eyes light up when they understand, when they look at their partners with that ever-so-gentle look that she had once been able to give her Tailmon. She loves it and she is happy because this is a difference she is able to make.

She remembers Kawada Noriko-chan **(3)**  and her wish to be a teacher.

She remembers wanting the same once, but having forgotten about it.

Now, it doesn't feel like that matters... because she is already teaching anyway.

What harm would it be to do it for real?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part two of the oneshot. See below for any translations. See the first part for any disclaimers and warnings.

_II._

Her brother only nods at her, the same way the other original members of the group nod at her. His nod, and Takeru-kun's and Daisuke-kun's, and even Miyako-san's opinions, are the ones that matter the most to her. They are the people she is closest to that are not her parents, who would want something else only if there was nothing else.

But they know what she wants, and they all understand.

Daisuke-kun, when she tells him, only laughs, big clown grin on his face. He is washing vegetables, taking care to avoid the textbook slung under her arm.

"Hikari-chan, that means you have to be honest with people," he says, not scolding, or even remarkably offensive. This is just Daisuke-kun, who is wholeheartedly truthful when he sees it's right to say so. He is the Daisuke-kun who after a deep sadness she never asks about overcame his silly crush on an image and grew to respect her. For that, she treats him with more respect, because he grew up then, as she still is trying to do. "You've always kept your true feelings to yourself, you know."

Yes, out of fear of hurting people, she had done so. She still does, she realizes, because there was no Tailmon to be honest with, or a person to say the truth to and not be laughed at, or scorned for.

She sighs at his words after he says them, slumping her head on the island of his kitchen. "I suppose that's going to be an issue, isn't it?" He shrugs and offers her a sip of the broth, smiling at the delight that quickly appears on her face. "You think I can work with that?"

"Hikari-chan can do anything when she wants to do it."

The somberly spoken words make her laugh. "I've always thought that was  _you_ , Daisuke-kun."

"Well, that's a given."

From his corner of the apartment, Chibimon giggles. " _Almost_  everything, Daisuke."

The two proceed to make silly faces at each other, and Hikari laughs again. She feels no jealousy, only fondness. Fondness and a great big, silly love for the people in her life.

Even though she is Tailmon's sanctuary, sitting with Daisuke helps her appreciate that her friends are hers.

* * *

Miyako-san, of course, is as bouncy as a rubber ball, even while counting up receipts and figuring out profits for the store  **(4)**.

"Well, one of us has to do something decent with her life that wasn't pinned to a corkboard," she says with a grin, looking at the way Hikari sits, pen in mouth, observing the length of her hair and the smile in her cheeks. "College looks good on you."

Hikari shakes her head in modesty."I think you would look better with it. You've always looked good with everything educational." The compliment leaves her lips before she can stop it and Miyako snorts.

"Please. I won't even be able to handle my own kids." She frowns. "How long do you plan to grow out your hair?"

Hikari threads a few strands in one hand and hums. "Long enough for Tailmon to glare at it every time it moves when she comes back."

They laugh and Hikari finds her chest doesn't hurt. Her camera swings from her neck and before she leaves, she takes a picture of her friend pretending to drown in tax information from 2006 while Hawkmon stares, disgruntled at the mess.

Tailmon will come back, and over time, Hikari thinks that she's okay with her taking as long as she needs.

* * *

Takeru-kun, being Takeru-kun, is so focused on what he is doing that by the time he notices she is in the house, she has put on a pot of tea and has set a cup by his desk. Patamon is howling with laughter from her lap and the blond man at the desk flushes red up to his ears. She only giggles.

Thankfully, he recovers his composure long enough for small talk, and for her to look over the latest part of his manuscript. She is frank with him, because she knows he will shake her like a doll and panic himself to passing out if she isn't. It's good practice, but she can't help but think of Devimon whenever she is.

"Are you sure writing an article about the hatching of Digi-Eggs is going to make it easier to read about those days when the book comes out?"

Takeru shakes his head. "If it was that easy, I would have gone on to talk about the flying-poop monsters." Hikari rolls her eyes, chuckling through her drink.

"I'll have you know the Numemon are very good friends."

"I was not  _even_  going to go there." He smiles at her and she returns it, grateful. They are not meant to be and it is nice that people had stopped asking. "I'm only writing that article so people stop screaming when there are giant light blobs shooting bubbles in their face after you kept the thing in your arms for eight hours."

"For the sake of the people," she singsongs warmly and Patamon chortles again, enjoying having his ears scratched.

He agrees with a sigh and sips the tea, looking her over. "Hikari-chan, as a straight man, I feel it's my need to say this." She raises an eyebrow and he sighs. "I miss you wearing pink."

She stares and looks down at the blue jacket she threw over her red dress this morning, having thought not about it at all. "Is it that bad?"

Takeru shakes his head. "No... but it's not you."

"You've been hanging out with your brother too much," Hikari decides after a moment. Years ago, they wouldn't have had this conversation. She would have been trying to get him to stop fussing. It never works, but nowadays it's more manageable than her endless homework.

He chuckles but shakes his head at the same time. "Sorry, too many changes at once. We're getting old... except you, you fridge-eater." Takeru points at Patamon who glares.

"I don't want to hear that from you after yesterday!"

"Ice cream," the blond begins dramatically. "Is a different matter  _entirely_."

"Something tells me that's going to be a classroom rule," Hikari muses. "Like we can't play your brother's concerts from anytime during high school."

Patamon grinned. "There was a reason he quit."

Takeru laughs and she quietly decides to try to wear pink again, for old times'. She had put it away when she grew older, but Hikari thinks sometimes that it's okay to stay a kid.

When she goes home that day, she calls Miyako and writes a letter she thinks Tailmon will never get.

_Tailmon... are you two together yet? Hikari is doing fine. I am studying to be a kindergarten teacher, like I wanted to back then. I hope you can come and meet everyone._

It doesn't say "I miss you" because she doesn't have to.

* * *

In her sophomore year of college, the year she turns twenty, she meets Kawada Noriko again. Her Punimon is a young Nyaromon now and though it brings a small twinge into her heart to see those big eyes, the two girls quickly bond again, like they had never gone their separate ways in the first place.

They don't talk about the Dark Seed, but it is always between them for the first three months.

Noriko doesn't ask where Tailmon is and Hikari doesn't tell. They simply talk about the classes they will eventually work in, how hard their classes are right now. They become friends and throw books and ramen cups at each other and when Nyaromon is suddenly a Terriermon and on the ceiling Hikari is cheering like it is her own Digimon and has no reason to feel sad at all.

She doesn't even jump when Noriko wakes her up one night with tears on her face and sobbing about a red barcode that won't leave her alone. She hugs her companion and talks her down from nightmares about giant purple flowers, and a voice screaming at her about how worthless she is if she is not at the top.

These nights at first frequent, then ebb, and in the mornings they never acknowledge the intangible something between them that is emphatic. It is nice because soon all Noriko asks for is honesty and gives it every time she is silly enough to try to wear orange over beige "with her pale complexion".

She continues to miss her partner and continues to hope she is all right, but Tailmon would want her to be happy too.

And she is. She truly is.

* * *

_Nothing gold can stay._

She forgets those words.

As she sits in their tiny, shared apartment, Hikari cries with Noriko's small hand on her back and she beats herself emotionally with a baseball bat. She is twenty-four, and has just finished earning her qualifications. She has all the credits required, including extra because she is paranoid that way. All of that work, all of that money she had earned and...

Now there was a child forming inside her.

"It will be beautiful, you know."

Hikari laughs, a watery noise, and shakes her head. "It will be messy and I'll feel like a wretch the whole way." She squeezes her hands into fists, trying to remember how to breathe.

Noriko sniffs, clearly disbelieving. There is enough jealousy in the younger woman's eyes to set the nearby medicine cabinet on fire and Hikari squeezes her hand, guilty, kicking herself for being stupid, for thinking it was going to all be rainbows and glitter and...

She was a right fool.

"Don't give it up."

Hikari shakes her head. "I won't. Don't you go find the man either." She could never,  _would_ never. If someone had said to do it, even in a rational state of mind, Hikari thinks she would have slapped them twice.

"He deserves a good punch," Terriermon informs her in his typical, happy,  _I-am-learning-sociopathy-yes-I-am_  voice. "Maybe two. Maybe a  _Blazing Fire_ on his pants." Hikari glares at him and he raises his two arm paws. "Just saying."

"It  _was_ consensual," she points out with a sigh. She is calming down now, thankfully. Still kicking herself, but calming down. "We weren't that drunk." Slowly, she begins to think of the rest of her makeshift clan of loved ones and groans. "Aah... Onii-chan and everyone else... they're going to be so disappointed. So much for being the "good girl"." She buries her head in her hands. "I probably shouldn't ask this, but what do you think I should do?"

"Marry me?"  **(5)**

Noriko sounds so serious that Hikari looks up and stares at her in disbelief. The younger shrugs. "Better me than that guy. Might affect the taxes though." She shakes her head, still jealous, still horribly uncomfortable. "Go call up your friends, get help. Call up that old teacher with the mole. Just... I don't know." She sighs. "Just... don't mope around, okay? You can still do things. You can still do anything. It will just be harder."

Hikari doesn't look up at her for a moment, touching her stomach with one hand as if there is already something kicking there.

Noriko rises to her feet. "It's kind of chilly," she says, even though it is only September. "I'm going to go make some cocoa."

Hikari is left there with Terriermon curiously running his claws through her hair like some sort of demented hairbrush. She thinks, quietly, over the smell of milk chocolate and the sound of marshmallows scattering on the kitchen floor.

" _Hikari-chan can do anything when she wants to do it."_

Hikari smiles over Terriermon's delighted scrambling on the floor and Noriko screeching at her partner to stop being such a pig.

Picking up her cell phone, she dials first one number and sends an email.

"Miyako-san? It's Hikari. I... I have something important to tell you..."

_Tailmon? Your Hikari has gone and messed up again..._

* * *

_In another world, Tailmon hears these words and sighs. Her partner needs her... soon. She misses her too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4) BrokenAngel01, this one was your fault. I have a feeling that she took over the convenience store from her parents when she married Ken and I blame her for sticking the head canon in my brain.
> 
> (5) Interestingly enough, even in the year 2013 Japan only allows symbolic homosexual marriage in few places. They have accepted marriages done outside the country as legitimate and that the laws are applicable to them, but my guess is that even at this point, which is the year 2015, I doubt Noriko's comment was even feasible.
> 
> About the pairing:
> 
> Honestly, I have no idea how this romance came about. I was writing the first draft and I got to the scene about Hikari's pregnancy scene and it was like: SUDDENLY this is a thing. I'd like people's honest to god opinions on it. Does it work? Is it intriguing? Are you bothered? I don't know; it was completely unintentional. This is technically epilogue compliant because we have no idea who Hikari gets together with, but it is never mentioned to be Takeru or Daisuke, hence why I sunk both of those ships. I like both.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part three of the oneshot. See below for any notes. See the first part for any disclaimers and warnings.

_**III.** _

Her first class is as a substitute and she is nervous.

The children seem to notice, of course they do. They are young, and she remembers noticing things as a child you take for granted as an adult. And, like it or not, looking at herself five months into pregnancy and almost three through the internship program, she knows she is a grown-up now.

She looks at the little ones, them and their still tear-streaked faces and their baby Digimon perched everywhere from their heads to laying on their backs and wonders what she can teach them that they will understand. Her textbooks have no clue what to do with Digimon.

But... Hikari realizes that  _she_  does.

"Okay, everyone," she says softly, forcing herself to sit down on the floor. She found out from her teachers that she is best as a quiet, firm speaker, than to be Noriko, who is surprisingly enthusiastic and vibrant and mischievous on the job. "Sit in a circle with me, and one at a time, we will all talk about our partners, okay?"

At first it is difficult because Atsushi-kun wants to make a  _perfect_  circle and Chono-kun wants to go first but everything is soon settled and slowly it is quiet. Everyone listens, or if they don't listen, they are quiet enough that it bothers no one and Hikari realizes that is the effect of her and their awe of her listening and quietly asking questions and not looking disbelieving.

They are the first children to be truly born with a Digimon in their arms and she is probably the only one who had held one at their age. She remembers that Koromon, and with fond recollection, remembers her brother's disbelief and confusion about the whole ordeal and her own sanguine take on it all. For most of their parents, it must be completely horrifying. They probably can't even deal with their own partners.

For  _her_ , it's going to be worse, she imagines.

The children and their Digimon seem to take it well, however. They seem happy, if somewhat awkward, and frequently prone to poking each other and making bubble shows that last a few minutes of giggling.

When her turn arrives, she says, "My partner isn't home yet. She's off on a journey saving our best friend." When they ask why, she giggles a little. "Because that one is a silly man who did something noble and because he's precious to us." She goes on to tell them about Tailmon's kind smile full of wisdom, which is foggier than she remembers it should be, and how much she enjoys the sea breeze in her fur, and how her loyalty knows no bounds.

By the time it's time for a break, she has managed to get humans and Digimon to draw pictures of each other, and to not panic when one almost swallows a crayon.

Hikari thinks she's done all right, and even manages to say goodbye to the little ones without crying.

Noriko congratulates her at home with a hot bath and a magazine on child care, but she appreciates her company more.

* * *

When she goes for another ultrasound, it is with Taichi, who as far as she is concerned, should be at home, practicing his proposal speech for his fiancee.

"She'll say yes," he assures her when she tells him so, nonetheless looking nervous and grinning a little too hard. "I finally cut my hair so... it's a fair trade off, right?"

She misses his big, impossible hair a little bit but doesn't disagree. "Ayako-san will be having you whipped in no time," she predicts as they walk into the hospital together. Hikari doesn't miss the way he examines her with the big brother  _waiting-for-a-cough_ habit that now only serves to be aggravating. She doesn't care; she will be working until her water breaks, because she doesn't mind the exhaustion and it never is too much.

"As whipped as you have Noriko," he teases eventually and she gently elbows him.

"I do not... it's nothing official anyway." He gives her a scolding look and Hikari, to her own gratitude, does not shy back. "Onii-chan, you act like everyone is like you."

"Hikari, you act like it hasn't been almost  _five_  years."

She laughs. "It feels like longer." When the nurse walks up to them, the old friend from the get-go, Hikari adds. "Onii-chan, don't forget. Your little sister has always been a bit of a coward."

"The worst you can hear is no," he challenges, a little chagrined.

She shakes her head. "The worst thing I can hear is  _yes_ , right now."

She wants to know what Tailmon thinks, and she wants to know if the judgment is being made based on hormonal impulses or because they have simply been around each other during such a crucial part of her life.

Hikari doesn't ask because she knows how Noriko thinks but not how she herself feels.

To her, there seems to be a great difference.

 _Tailmon,_  she thinks with a smile.  _I'm growing old._

But is twenty-five really such a bad age to be at?

* * *

She hasn't seen the father of her child since the party where the conception happened.

Unlike Noriko, Hikari bears the man no ill will. They were both profoundly stupid and young, they still are, and because of that, she knows better than to press him. She's pretty sure he dropped out of college as it is. Money is still tight, of course, but her friends, her sanctuary, remains.

Noriko still remains, and though Hikari still can't fumble out her own words, she never seems to have to.

As the due date looms closer, she wants to hear about Noriko, before she could lose her, before she doesn't want to think about it.

She wants to tell her about Tailmon, and about how their adventure was not as soft and kind as her friends' had been, as her Onii-chan had been, rather gently from her imagination, guided into their world that they all now loved.

They spend time talking about that, while looking over what baby items have been recalled and the price of a good stroller.

When Hikari gets the news about Miyako's wedding, she hugs Noriko hard enough to crush her own ribs and laughs.

 _It's not just me_ , she thinks deliriously as Noriko pushes her back onto the couch, laughing in faint hysteria. _We're all growing old._

* * *

_Dear Tailmon, I have a son. So soon, I know. He is already solemn, kind of like you. Have you found Wizarmon yet? Or has he gone off and done something noble again?_

Kei  **(6)**  is a curious baby.

Then again, all babies are naturally curious.

Unfortunately, curiosity does not mix well with drool and a D-Terminal on the coffee table. YukimiBotamon finds no fault in the situation and pouts mysteriously when Hikari lifts her son to lay in her lap.

"You're supposed to stop him from getting into trouble," she tells the Baby level, wagging her finger. It only huffs at her, not understanding but not really caring. "You're his sanctuary and he's yours too."  _And I'm theirs..._ She had never realized her little word would mean so much in her life until she had used it in one hundred different contexts.

Kei makes a small noise of sleepiness and she pats the slowly growing brown hair on his head. Maternal leave is wonderful while it lasts, but... she can't stay off forever. Her first real class is coming soon. She wants to see if they know what to do.

Hikari wants to see if she does as well.

* * *

Turns out, she has little to worry about.

It is almost like her new class is overly conscious of the little one in his chair. Kei stares all around the room so much she's afraid he'll overload himself until Asakawa Mei brings up her Motimon and plops him on the little desk. YukimiBotamon squeaks at it and it sticks out his tongue.

Koushiro-san would heavily disapprove, but Hikari finds it sweet.

She just wishes, now, more than ever, that Tailmon would come home.

Her family just isn't complete until then.

* * *

It is hard, some days.

Some days, Kei doesn't sleep through the night and wails loud enough to wake them both. Or once he at the age of three says the word 'daddy' in a questioning voice and she has no idea what to tell him when she never knew the man's name. Noriko goes out that night and Daisuke drops her off at the apartment, claiming she was trying to get drunk and no one would accept her identification so she passed out in a ramen bowl instead. It isn't funny, but Hikari still laughs until she cries herself and Noriko to sleep.

Sometimes, Hikari feels very alone, even though her friends and family are nearly always around with their own lives to be immersed in and her little boy is almost always smiling at her, even though she often curls up with Noriko to laugh at a cheesy romance novel.

Time is long... years and years of it...

Gods... how long it must have taken to form their partners, if it is taking Tailmon this long to find this one friend.

It starts hurting to think of her cat again, and if it weren't for Terriermon, and YukimiBotamon, and the Digivice in her desk drawer, she would have thought she had dreamed it up.

Once in a while, it beeps, and she hopes, and then gets up to do the laundry and live on.

She has to keep believing, or she doesn't know what she will do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (6) The kanji for Kei's name (which is non-canon, I just picked this after a while) means "blessed".


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part four of the story. See below for any notes. See the first part for any disclaimers and warnings.

_**IV.** _

"Mama! Can we play Frisbee?"

Hikari laughs and sighs in the same motion. Kei still isn't rambunctious. He will never be that bad. However, she is still his mother, and Noriko-chan can't compare to his mother. The five-year-old is staring happily up at her, big rose eyes and chubby fists clenched with excitement. Nyaromon is there as well, bouncing softly on his head. The little Digimon has gotten better at being the guardian, the 'protector of the sanctuary' she tells her old classes when they visit years later, but it is still a merry thing and she finds no fault in this.

"Sure," she says, putting down her last graded paper. "But you have to show me your report card first."

He blinks, frowns, and sighs. It is the somber look, the look she gave her Onii-chan at this age when something was just ridiculous, and her heart trembles with overflowing affection. "Kay, Mama," he says anyway, and goes to do just that. He marches, not proudly, but with a bit of acceptance that she knows from herself, and even a little grave warmth that was responsibility.

For a moment, Hikari almost cries, but smothers the urge.

It is not exactly like being a Chosen Child, but it is a start.

* * *

Kei is a good big brother.

Even though he is five, he is two years older than Miyo, and seems to know what he is doing with her. Miyako is dutifully impressed by her daughter's sudden placidness and amused by his quick exasperation with Daisuke's son Akira. She considers  _that one_  the terror of the next generation.

Hikari wouldn't go that far... but even she admits Akira is a handful to keep in line for the preschool class.

"Did you know Takeru-kun's wife is working under your brother?"

Hikari chuckles and musses Kei's hair as he goes to plop himself by her side. "Oh, so it's official now?"

Miyako snorts. "Officially partied over in a drunken stupor yes. Between her and Daisuke, I'm not sure which one of them has a bigger tab at the store."

"One would  _think_  Takeru-kun would control that," she muses with sweet fondness. Nyaromon pops back over, excitedly being chased by a young Leafmon and chasing right back. She glances at her friend's stiff stance in her chair and sighs. "Not so easy this time, huh?"

"Wasn't easy the first time," her friend grunts. Noriko rolls her eyes in good-natured sympathy. "I do not want to hear that from you. Heaven knows what you'll be teaching Miyo when the time comes."

"Oh yeah," Noriko drawls. "I'll corrupt her like I've corrupted Hikari." The two glare at each other over Kei's head and Hikari politely clears her throat. The two have never exactly gotten along, what with Noriko apparently her school rival when they entered high school, along with various other incidents that Hikari doesn't quite care to think about. She does wish they would at least be a little quieter about it.

However, she isn't exactly known to be around quiet, thoughtful people very often. Mentally, she sends Ken a well-wishes feeling. He probably needs it.

Kei looks up. "Mama?" Hikari hums in response. "What does Onee-san mean by cor-rup-ting you?"

Noriko chokes on her drink and Miyako cracks up, covering her face to the oblivious confusion of Kei.

Hikari merely smiles and says, "I would tell you if I knew, Kei. Maybe she can tell you herself." He blinks at her, gives her a hug, and goes to sit at Noriko's feet and await the answer to his innocuous query.

"That was smooth, Hikari-chan," Miyako snickers, grabbing her daughter by the armpits to keep her from possibly jumping Akira to shut him up.

Hikari gives them both an impish smirk. "I've never been all that sunshine and rainbows stuff, have I?"

* * *

When Kei is six, Hikari decides that his birthday present is to see the Digital World.

She hasn't been back since she left Tailmon there at the age of fourteen. Almost twenty years since then, and the rawness has washed away It has only changed a little, but she finds the air warm and fresh and the sky as beautiful as ever. Noriko has been back many times, being the teacher who plans trips to the Digital World once a year. As far as Hikari as concerned, this is half-wanting them to be used to it and half-making up for what she almost lost.

She never says so.

Kei instantly loves it, and runs through the trees, looking for landmarks of his mother's old adventures. Noriko sends Terriermon running after him and Hikari almost goes with. However, Noriko makes her sit down and unwrap the picnic basket under the shade of a tree.

"He has Nyaromon," Noriko says. "He'll be fine." Hikari nods, heart in her mouth, and sits down on the grass, chuckling mildly at the immediate grass stains. She forgot not to wear bright pants.

For a moment, they are quiet, Noriko leaving her hand over Hikari's and Hikari staring up through the leaves of the trees, faintly remembering seeing a bright light once when she was a child. It had been a bunch of rainbow stars. She is unable to recall much else, but she remembers her young heart being very warm then.

The feeling is back now.

She isn't scared, she realizes. Her hand clasps Noriko's and she breathes deeply, listening to many whistles and whispers. She smiles.

"Hello again," she says. "You and I haven't seen each other in ages. Where have you been?" Noriko turns to look at her and Hikari traces a circle into the other's palm.  _It's okay,_  she tries to say. It doesn't seem quite so important to say that it is because the lights are whispering again, each full of a different emotion. "Is Oikawa with you? Hello. Are you happy here?"

" _ **You should visit more."**_

"I really should, I'm sorry about that." For some reason, Hikari pulls herself to her feet. "It's been hard to come back. I'm alone, you see."

" _ **You are never really alone."**_

"No," Hikari agrees, and smiles at Noriko. "No, I guess I'm really not. I will have to come visit more often." The words slip out of her lips without any conscious thought and the lights hum their agreement.

" _ **Your son will have a great destiny."**_

"We Yagamis always do," she says with a small bitterness in her smile now. She knew; she had always known. Was it okay to be proud of him already? Was it okay to be scared?

" _ **You must raise him for a great destiny."**_

"I hope I can raise him to be a good boy, first." Noriko is getting scared, she realizes that in the back of her mind and turns to look at her. "It's okay," she says. "I'm not talking to myself." Noriko nods, and Hikari thinks there is envy in those black eyes, envy of her. The seed never goes away, nor should it. She gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "It's nothing grand, really," Hikari tells her. She is older now, so she can see this as her truth. "I'm different Noriko. I'm different, but not special."

"It's more than me," Noriko mumbles, but their hands don't separate and Hikari smiles, still feeling undeniably childlike.

"No, it's not. I wouldn't want this on anyone..." She looks at the lights again, allowing herself to be transfixed. "Is my son going to be like me?" They do not answer, and she sighs. "Oh Kei..."

The mother in her wants to hold him tight forever, but the adventure seeking child is so excited that it hurts. Will her son be able to see ghosts and hear scary things and be able to connect with everyone until the point that everyone is able to be forgiven because it hurts to do anything else? Will her son become a stranger that she knows too well?

"I..." The tears decide to be born and she doesn't wipe them away. "For my son... that is... that isn't..."

He will have to kill.

Her chest throbs.

He will have to kill because she did and he will have to lose things because Wizarmon lost everything-

Suddenly, the world she had grown up in acceptance of is very frightening and she begins to cough, feeling eight years old and horrified because Vamdemon is strangling Yamato-san and Tailmon hasn't come back-

_(Still not back, where has she gone, I miss her, I've been alive and doing things, she is my best friend now where is she?)_

She hits the ground on her knees and she is coughing. It has not hit her until now. She has been so busy in the Human World, so busy trying to make things work there and raise her son there  _(because without Tailmon, the Digital World doesn't matter quite so much to her_ ) that she simply hasn't been able to-

"Mama?"

Kei.

"Mama," he says from the trees. "Mama, you're crying." He runs to her because he is six years old and Noriko is hugging her and the Digimon are both horribly confused and it is all suddenly too much. The years, the experiences, her mistakes, it all crumbles on her and collapses her spine. Hikari clutches her son and cries into his hair and while he doesn't understand at first a Digivice falls into his hand and he  _does_. He doesn't understand everything, but Kei has always been smart and grasps some things better than others.

"I..." Kei stops for a moment, watching his Mama wipe her eyes and smile blearily. It answers his question and he is suddenly very sad. Because Mama has always been bad with herself. Mama has always put him first and put Noriko-nee-san first and her brother and her friends and everyone else. And he loves Mama for that, he loves her for when she does that. He doesn't understand it, but he loves it because it makes his Mama kind.

But now it makes him sad.

Because now she's doing it because one day Kei will have to do things she had to do, things he doesn't know about. And some day Nyaromon may not be here with him so he can do them, like her Tailmon wasn't here right now. One day, he will have to go away and he'll have to do it real soon.

The selfish feeling wells up like fire and suddenly, he hears them. He hears whispers at the back of his hmind and sees lights behind his mama's face. He knows then. He knows very well. These are the things that Mama had spoken of once. Now they are talking to him.

"No," he shouts at them, and Hikari looks deeply at her son again, wiping her eyes and watching his solemn face shout at the air, or the whispers, anyway. "No! I don't wanna! You can't make me! I wanna stay with Mama and Noriko-san forever."

Hikari listens to these words and laughs. The laugh is gentle and weak and she is reminded of the words she had repeated to herself until she had forgotten.

Nothing gold can stay.

"Kei," she says to her son, and to herself, and to a confused Noriko, who nonetheless is still blanketing them in her arms. "Do you like this world?"

His big eyes are drawn to her, like metal to a magnet."Eh?"

"When I took you here today," she continues, and her voice is steady and it is calm and Hikari doesn't feel like she broke down at all. "Did you have fun?" He nods. "Was Nyaromon happy?" Another nod. "Your Mama... she is very scared for you." She feels Noriko tense, because this is not in any parental handbook that she's read, and chuckles. "Onee-san behind me is too. We don't want you to get hurt... or to do the things we had to do. But... you know..." She musses her son's messy hair. "It wasn't all bad. I had Tailmon... and she made me happy. Does Nyaromon make you happy?"

"Nyaromon is my friend... I'm his sanctuary." The words are said slowly, worried he is that he is wrong, and Nyaromon tries to hug him without arms. "He... He makes me happy."

"Then... I think," Her chest throbs and she ignores it. She will not be alone; she will not be. "I think you should protect this world and do what they say. Your mama... is strong, remember? She will be all right... She'll have this over-protective Onee-san... and everyone will be scared too... and... you won't be alone."

"I'll be with you forever, Kei," Nyaromon assures. "Always and forever. Even if we separate, always!"

Hikari gives him a grateful smile and adds. "Besides... I doubt you'll be alone. I bet the others will someday be involved in this battle. So..." She trails off, losing her train of thought as a low, sudden chime resounds from her Digivice.

"So you," Noriko begins with a firmness to her voice that catches Kei's wide eyes. "Will have to become stronger. You're going to be the sempai, Kei. You have a... oh what's the word..." She kneels beside the little boy, who is still pouting, still trying to appear defiant. "A proud legacy in your life. It's a kinda... messed up one, but..." She pats his shoulder. "Something good came from it. You. Your Mama's being brave. You can be too, right?"

Kei looks at her and opens his mouth to say "No" because it still was not right, but he is cut off by Hikari's Digivice, which begins to beep incessantly. Hikari looks at her D-3 and her eyes widen. "Mama?" Kei's voice goes unheard as she smiles at the air.

"Soon," Hikari whispers.

Then she hugs her precious people and looks at Kei with practiced encouragement. "Come on, your mama made a banquet for you."

* * *

They are asleep under the tree, the three of them, when Hikari's Digivice chimes. In Noriko's lap, her son sleeps on, unperturbed by the gentle noise. However, Noriko looks at her. Her dark eyes are smiling, but her mouth pretends to droop open and drool. Hikari giggles faintly at her and plants a kiss on her mouth. Sometimes, Noriko could be quite a child. Thinking that lessens the tension in her legs and she is able to stand and breathe in fresh air and look at the setting sun.

Then, she runs, running towards something she can only guess, only hope for. Her Digivice sings for her and for a moment, she thinks that the gold will stay.

The trees swallow her and she doesn't notice. Hikari is running forward and her chest hurts and she thinks Oikawa is smiling from his spot in the sky. She feels eight again and not too strong but strong enough to live as she runs. The trees are noisy and the sunset makes it hard to know if she is going the right way but she doesn't care.

In the distance, there are voices arguing and she is trying not to laugh but it is very hard.

"It was for an important cause!"

"A cause that scared me to death! And look how long it's been! I told her I would come back! Do you know how long you made her wait?"

"I did apologize-"

"I don't care! That  _gogglehead_ **(7)**  must have infected you with his clinginess towards other people's dreams! Then again, I doubt even  _he_ would do something that dumb!"

"To be fair, I didn't quite remember who you were until recently."

"Whose fault is that?"

Hikari sees them before they see her and she just stops, catching her breath and trying not to laugh or cry. Tailmon's expression is pure exasperation and fury and the white cat's features suddenly cement into her brain as solid as though it hadn't been almost twenty years of separation and she has to smother a cough or two as she looks at the one who came back from the dead. Oh. Looking at Wizarmon, at the sheepish helplessness on his face that indicates that he will not win this, it makes her laugh. Hikari can't help but laugh and clutch the tree she is standing by, gasping for air and giggling like a child. They turn to look at her and there is surprise, but not nearly as many other feelings.

"You deserve this, Wizarmon," she says through her laughter as they turn to look at her. "It's rude to make a lady wait."

Wizarmon smiles. "I'll keep that in mind," he replies and nudges Tailmon, who is still staring.

"Hikari?" she finally whispers, completely aghast. "Look at  _you_."

Hikari frowns, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, I can't be that bad," she says, glancing herself over. Her face is a mess right now, sure, but she has taken care of her body and keeping the weight off... hadn't she?

"No... I..." Tailmon shakes her head. "It's just... it's been a while, that's all." She smiles, a little calmer, but plenty nervous.

"Mm," Hikari agrees. "Tailmon?"

"What?" she asks with a jump.

Hikari opens her arms. "Welcome home."

Tailmon tackles her at those words and the three of them are sitting there and talking when Noriko arrives with Kei. Instantly, the sorrow from before is gone and the seven of them sit talking until nightfall.

Her family is together now, she thinks that night when they return home, closing her computer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (7) Xros Wars Kudo Taiki (manga canon only). The implication in that manga is that Tailmon went searching for Wizarmon's data at some unknown point and that she had gathered most of it when she and Wizarmon got caught up in the Xros Wars. Again, this is never outright stated, but it's implied pretty heavily that this is the case. The idea of this is what started this fic, in truth.


	5. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part my friends. There are no other notes. Thanks for sticking it out to the end.

_**epilogue.** _

"You ready to go?"

"Yep!"

It's the thumbs up that makes the woman sigh in low relief. "Do you have your Terminal?"

"Yes."

"Your Digivice?"

"On my belt."

"Has Plotmon eaten her share of the fridge?"

The Digimon giggles. "Just the fruit ma'am."

Hikari laughs. "I've taught you well." She turns to the person on the couch. "Sure you don't want to come? Daisuke-kun will be there."

Noriko waves a hand, not looking up from the paper she is grading. Middle school is more work than the other anticipated. "Please, so will Miyako. Give the kids a hello, okay?"

The woman tuts and shakes her head. Those two will always be impossible, she supposes with a smile. "Tailmon! Let's go!"

"Wait!" Her partner comes racing from the bedroom, a familiar whistle in her mouth. "He forgot something," she says with a smirk.

Kei's face flushes, eleven year old embarrassment always entertaining. "Sorry, Miss Tailmon."

Tailmon chuckles. "Look at your son, Hikari," she says, affectionately swatting his nose with her tail. "He thinks I'm old."

"You  _are_  old," Terriermon says smartly from near Noriko's ear and her partner gapes, affronted.

"Not helping, Terriermon," Noriko says drily. "It's not like either of us are young either." He blows a raspberry at her and Hikari sighs, smiling fondly. "Go on, Hikari. I want to see if I can try that new recipe your brother sent me."

"Don't ruin the kitchen, then, okay?" Noriko shrugs and grins at her.

"No promises."

Hikari groans. She gives up. Her son only laughs. "Gee, thanks Kei. See if I pack you a bento for your next adventure."

His face colors. "Mom!"

She grins and opens the Digital Gate. "Only joking Kei."

"You'd better be," he grumbles, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they fall through. "I don't wanna eat Mrs. Jun's skewers again."

Hikari merely titters her appreciation of that statement. Fashion model she may be, cooking expert Kido Jun is not.

The ground they touch is well-worn and familiar and Kei instantly grabs hold of his partner before Plotmon goes plummeting over the edge of the cliff. That had happened once. It wasn't fun. He nods at his mother and looks around. He's not really looking, she knows, more as though he is listening, as she does. He's not quite as good as she is yet, having not had the years of experience at separating one voice from another, but her son is learning.

"Oikawa-san is here," he notes after a moment, patting Plotmon's head. Kei smiles. "He seems very happy."

"Who else," she asks him, watching Tailmon sniff the air experimentally, like the air will be littered with a human's scent.

Her son frowns and tilts his brown head. His hair is short, like hers was, and like she did, he has an obsession with yellow. She doesn't see his father in him, which is a relief. He has stopped asking about him, and she will, for that reason, tell him what happened some day. He is still frowning, straining his ears. "The others?"

"Ye-es," she drags out the word, grinning. "Who else?"

"Umm..." He whines a bit, knowing he  _should_  be able to know, but can't just yet. "Shoutmon?"

"Very good!" Hikari laughs a little. She could recognize that raspy singing anywhere now, but it was hard to hear.

"Only that guy can be heard through time and space," Tailmon mumbles into her shoulder as they begin to walk. Hikari agrees silently. She knows what Tailmon and Wizarmon have told her about their adventures without her and is very thankful they found another friend, or group of friends, to call upon.

"Mom, do you think we'll see Wizarmon today?" Kei asks as they walk, still holding a scuffling Digimon.

'He hasn't been home in a few days, so I would like to think so," she replies, mussing his hair. Even now, after quite a few adventures of his own, each with their own suffering and kindness, he still never stops her from doing that.

"Can I drop water on his head if he doesn't come home today?"

"No."

"Yes." Hikari and Tailmon both speak at the same time and laugh about it seconds later. Kei waits patiently for an actual answer and Hikari sighs.

"If you can clean up the water, then yes." Kei grins and she shakes her head. Small price to pay to get that scholar to actually stop researching for a day. He was worse than Koushiro-san, honestly.

"Oh! Hikari-chan, you made it early!"

She waves. "G'morning Ken-kun, Nao-chan." The middle child of the Ichijouji children nods at her brightly and waves at Kei, who smiles softly back. Now that they are in company, he closes himself from being too open, and focuses on everyone else. Only at home does he display quite the amount of mischief and silliness that he does. But the softness is him too. Plotmon waves at Poromon with a grin and the two Digimon go off with their partners, aiming for a chat before it gets noisy.

Ken looks at her expectantly. "You're alone today."

The word doesn't hurt anymore. "So are you."

Ken sighs from his spot on a rock. "Our girls think way too alike."

"If it helps, Noriko is destroying my kitchen," she offers, sitting beside him with Tailmon in her once more ever-present place on her lap. He chuckles.

"She's usually destroying your kitchen," he points out. Hikari nods in agreement to this and Ken adds. "Miyako will be here in a little while. Apparently Miyo got in trouble again."

"For what?" Hikari sighs fondly.

He snorts. "It was either for punching Akira in the mouth or throwing his Chibimon out the second-story window."

Hikari groans gently and the two adults share a look that reminds her that she wouldn't be acting this way if Miyako were actually here. "Miyako-san... your daughter has too much of you."

"She'll figure it out," Ken says with confidence. His voice drops. "How is Kei doing?" Ken-kun, Takeru-kun, Koushiro-san, and Onii-chan all know about Kei. At the moment, he is the only one who has gotten a Digivice in their group of kids, but Hikari knows of others, has met them. She actually taught one of them.

Everyone has a Digimon, but not everyone is a Chosen Child.

As for why just they know, well, Hikari thinks that was for the best. If everyone knew, it would cause discord. She had told her brother only because he had to know, and the other three kept things quiet enough to not simply blurt it out to everyone. She almost thinks to tell Daisuke-kun whenever they go out for coffee, but... at the moment, he has enough to worry about with Akira.

Hikari sighs. "As well as he can, being mostly alone."

"The battle is never-ending," Tailmon says gravely, shaking her head until Hikari scratches her behind the ears. "It's a harsh fact for a kid to accept."

Ken agrees with a click of his tongue and sighs, watching the two boys talk about the latest video game."Think he'll be all right?"

"He's my son," she says softly.

Ken grins. "Indeed, he is."

She laughs at him and they sit there, greeting people as they arrive. "Any reason why Daisuke-kun's running late?"

"Same reason we ran early?"

Hikari chortles and doesn't reply.

"Mom! Ken-san!"

They both turn to see Kei, who is running towards them. Carefully covered by his fist is his Digivice, which is glowing a bright gold. Hikari's heart leaps into her mouth and she smiles through it. He stops in front of them, looking anxious. "Should I go now?" he asks, shifting nervously as if expecting a Digimon to lunge out and kidnap either of them any minute.

"It will look suspicious if you do," she tells him. He nods, hiding his Digivice again. "We'll wait for Daisuke-kun to get here, so there are plenty of people to go swoop in for the others, okay?" Once again, Kei nods, expression solemn. "It will work out. Your last one did, right?" She hugs him and he smiles, a little more at ease.

Tailmon swishes her tail as the others appear slowly. She watches Hikari give her brother a hug and exchange a few, low words with Koushiro. If anybody will have a destiny, it is his daughter Rina. She's way too observant to not be roped in to this. Tailmon knows this very well and observes the others for these traits, these signals that she has learned to recognize as destiny.

At the moment, there is only Kei, but the Digital World is greedy. It will need more.

For right now, however, all of the children are in the sanctuary that is their parents, and the Digimon are in the sanctuary that is their partners.

For the time being, Tailmon considers that to be quite enough.

"Daisuke's here," she hears Miyako say cheerfully from behind her, clutching Miyo firmly by the shoulders. " _Late_ , as usual."

"Sorry!" Though he shouts this at the group, he too is holding his son away from Miyako's daughter while the two proceed to act like the other doesn't exist.

Hikari giggles and Kei smiles behind his hand. "They're your responsibility, sempai," Tailmon reminds him from her partner's shoulder.

"That's what we're afraid of," Plotmon informs them with a smirk. The four laugh and Hikari sighs, straightening her hair. Well, it is time to get to work. Everyone is ready to send their children off screaming into the trees.

"Ready to have fun?" she asks her son, who grins.

Kei gives her a thumbs-up. "Mm-hm! Always!"

"You've come a long way," she praises. "You've done well."

"But..." Kei says, as the others begin to run. "This is just the beginning. Bye Mom!"

He's gone then, off on another mission, out of his sanctuary. He is running, laughing, and he is not alone.

Neither is she.

"Shall we wait for him, Tailmon?"

Tailmon smiles. "We must."

They sit with their friends, and when Noriko eventually arrives, they wait together.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:This is the end of part one!
> 
> (1) "Nothing Gold Can Stay" is a poem written and published by Robert Frost in 1923. Usually interpreted in about middle school, the poem is featured in The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. It was one of the few books and poems I enjoyed reading in school.
> 
> (2) The reason I'm making a note of this is because the English dub and the Japanese dub had alternate interpretations of the Hangyomon/Dark Ocean things going after Hikari. In the English dub, they wanted her to become their queen (I don't remember if they wanted her to rule with their god or not). I'm following the Japanese dub where they wanted to mate with her to make new servants in a war against a "new god" (speculation is either the Kaiser or Millenniummon) for the sake of their "former god", who is shown in shadow as Dagomon, a Digimon who is described as the "Sinful Priest of the Ocean Floor". Yeah. I'm not sure that it would want its followers to kidnap Hikari as a bride but who can say?
> 
> (3) Kawada Noriko is the Dark Seed child who had her flower bloom early. I'm making the distinction because in the Our War Game there is another character named Noriko who is a friend of Hikari's in the Japanese version. I just thought I should clear that one up.


End file.
